Shakespeare

November 6 2001
Tuesday

We had Shakespeare in English Lit today at school. What a load of old bollocks that is! Did people really talk like that in the sixteenth century, or whenever it was? No wonder it took civilisation so long to advance, they couldn't bloody understand each other. I can imagine what it would be like if people talked like that today.

Scene 1. The present. A football ground.
Team A scores. Team A's supporters raise their right arms and point with a repeated jabbing motion in the direction of Team B's supporters, and sing, to the tune of 'She'll be coming round the mountain' -

Team A Supporters:
Oh it's all gone quiet over there
It's all gone quiet over there
Oh it's all gone quiet
It's all gone quiet
It's all gone quiet over there!

Team B Supporters:
Fuck off!

Scene 1. Shakespeare's time. A football ground.
Team A scores. Team A's supporters raise their right arms and point with a repeated jabbing motion in the direction of Team B's supporters, and say -

Team A Supporters:
What is this that my ears doth perecieve this day
That e'er have not percieved before?
Ears that once heard the sound of good fortune
Emanating from mine enemies cruel lips
Which pours but scorn on the noble efforts
Of those held high in my esteem;
As dear to me as though t'were of mine own seed
Could it be silence, that dark void into which
The previously joyful sink when fate doth turn the tables?
I think mayhap it is. It is silence.

Team B Supporters:
What?

I wanted my father to run me to the yoofie tonight because it was raining hard but I didn't bother because I knew what the answer would be, and it doesn't begin with a 'Y'. He's been in a foul mood all day because he re-concreted part of the drive and the postman stepped in it before it had dried and left his footprints in it. My father called him an idiot. There are a lot of idiots in my father's world.