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71
CHAPTER
TEN
At half past three the following day James Bond was
driving the Lada south down the A6 towards Torkington Park, just a short
distance away from his hotel, in the direction of Buxton. Although he was
driving with concentration – Bond had found that driving a Lada without
concentration was not someting to be recommended as the only other time he’d done
it he’d had to turn round and drive back a mile to recover the silencer
that had parted company from the rest of the car – part of his mind was
mulling over what had happened with Pisa Vass and Divine Bottom. He could
certainly do without that sort of thing happening again! For one thing there
was his reputation to think of; as he had remarked to the lovely Pisa Vass,
things like that just do not happen to James Bond. Apart from that, and with
one thing and another, he hadn’t had sex for over a month, and James Bond
was a man who liked his fair share of sex, more than his fair share some would
say. It was one of the things, along with constantly putting his life at great
risk, that fuelled him, and at the present rate he would soon be running on
empty. Earlier that day the most terrible thought had crossed his mind. What if the next Bond girl he propositioned was also having her period? And the next. And the next and the next, and so on and so on, until every one of the next one hundred Bond Girls he asked to go to bed with him were similarly cursed. Because it would need that number to redress the balance if the previous six hundred had not been having their period, which was the case. Despite the ramifications if the situation were to persist along these lines Bond was not over-worried; he was well aware that for every problem there is a solution, and that given time he always came up with that solution, and usually sooner rather than later. Sure enough, as he nosed the Lada though the narrow entrance to Torkington Park – possibly because it was subliminal, a penis entering a vagina - the answer suddenly came to him. It was quite simple really. Pisa Vass and Divine Bottom weren’t actually Bond Girls - because a girl didn’t technically become a Bond Girl until he had actually slept with them. Problem solved. There remained the problem that the next ninety eight potential Bond Girls might also be menstruating when he asked them if they’d go to bed with him them, but the answer to that was equally simple. He would simply ask them, prior to propositioning them, if they were having their period. Other problem solved. |