Top Comedy - British Comedy

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122

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN



     The hazy ceiling above Bond gradually became more distinct and finally stopped going round and round. Feeling decidedly groggy, his head throbbing, a large lump on his crown where BloJob had brought the sand-filled stocking down on it, he looked around to try to find his bearings. He finally recognised Goldnojaws’ office and vaguely remembered his visit to Façade. He took a little more time to recover, then looked down at himself and saw that he was lying on the dwarf’s desk, bound tightly by two strong leather straps that encircled his chest and hips. His arms were secured by ropes tied to each wrist, the other end of the rope tied to the legs of the desk.His own legs weren’t tied, but that was unnecessary as his trousers and underpants, especially made for him by Big Boy of Birmingham, had been pulled down around his ankles, making the need of any further restraints unnecessary. Above and to the left of him the large photographs of the crane fly and the locust looked down at him, as if to mock him. He now realised, too late, that they weren’t blown-up photographs at all, as he had previously thought, but life-sized, and with this knowledge all the events prior to his losing consciousness came flooding back into his aching head.
    No sooner had Bond come to his senses than the door opened and Goldnojaws stepped in, BloJob in close attendance. Bond automatically steeled himself, expecting the worst. He had been in scrapes like this before, defenceless and at the mercy of a Bond villain. If he knew anything at all it was that it was now torture time. He conjectured as to what form the torture might take. His trousers and underpants being round his ankles didn’t augur well; the last time he had been similarly exposed, in the Casino Royale case, the villain Le Chiffre had beaten his genitals with a cane carpet-beater, an act of violence that had put him in hospital for weeks.