Pussy Galore

    "Please, all my lovers call me James." Bond looked straight into her eyes as he said this.
    She returned his look, unblinkingly. "But I have never been your lover, Mr Bond." She turned away from him as if to walk away but before she could he caught her by the shoulders and turned her to face him. "A state of affairs I am now about to take the greatest pleasure in rectifying," he said, as he lowered his arms so that they encircled her slender waist. He nodded toward the bedroom. "Come, my lovely Pisa Vass."
    She pushed him away. "No."
    Bond was puzzled. "What do you mean?"
    "I can't."
    "Can't? What do you mean, you can't?"
    "I'm having my period."
    Bond could scarcely believe his ears. "Having your period?"
    "Yes. Sorry."
    "But....but I'm James Bond."
    "Well I've said I'm sorry Mr Bond, I really don't know what else I can say."
    "No, you don't seem to understand. I am James Bond. James. Bond. The girls I meet whilst I'm on my assignments are never having their period."
    "Well I'm having mine," said Pisa, simply.
    Bond still couldn't take it in. Was this a dream he was having perhaps? If so it was a dream that was rapidly approaching nightmare proportions. He persisted. "But....but you just can't be. I mean that never happens to James Bond. Never. Surely you've seen my films?"
    "Of course."
    "Well then, you will know that whenever I meet a Bond Girl she is never having her period. Never. Not a single one of them. Tiffany Case, Mary Goodnight, Jill Masterson, I slept with them all the very day I met them."
    "I'm not doubting for one moment that you did, but...."
    "I slept with Honeychile Rider in Doctor No....
    "Look, I've said I'm sorry."
    "...and in Thunderball I had Pussy Galore."
    "Well you're not having any pussy tonight," said Pisa, losing her patience with him. "Not from me at any rate."
    Bond was nonplussed to say the very least. For he was speaking the gospel truth. Not once in his entire career as a Double-O agent had he encountered a girl who happened to be having her monthly visitor when he came knocking on her door. But there was no doubt that it had happened now. And in spades. There was nothing for it but to lower his sights. "I suppose I'll have to settle for fellatio then."