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 A DOCTOR'S WAITING ROOM. CISSIE IS WAITING HER TURN. ADA COMES IN. CISSIE IS PLEASED OF THE COMPANY. CISSIE: Oh Hello Ada love, sit yourself down next to me, what brings you to the Doctor's? ADA: Well I keep having these funny turns Cissie, these dizzy do's. CISSIE: Oh I don't like the sound of that. ADA: And I keep getting these hot flushes. CISSIE: Oh I say! And what do you think might be causing them? ADA: Well I am at a funny age, Cissie. I mean I am approaching the change. CISSIE: You? Approaching the change? ADA: Yes. CISSIE: From which direction? ADA: What do you mean? CISSIE: Well I thought your battery would have run out years ago. ADA: Oh no. No, my family has always retained its fertility a lot longer than most. Yes, we've always been very fertile, our Bertha fell pregnant when she was fifty nine and she swears she only walked past a sausage factory. Anyway to be on the safe side I thought it would be best if the doctor gave me a check-up , what with Bert re-discovering his sex drive. CISSIE: Bert's re-discovered his sex drive then? ADA: I've a job to keep up with him if the truth be told Cissie. We'd have gone right through the bedroom wall last night if I hadn't taken the castors off the bed. He was like an animal. CISSIE: I wonder what's brought that on? ADA: Well I did mention it to the doctor the last time I was here and he seems to think that it's the side effects from the hormones in the pills he gave Bert for his gout. CISSIE: So it appears that as long as Bert is taking those pills for his gout he'll carry on the same way. ADA: It looks like it, yes. CISSIE: Oh you poor dear. And what are you doing about it. ADA: Stamping on his foot. CISSIE: Well let's just hope you don't fall pregnant again my girl, you won't be wanting another at your age. ADA: Oh God forbid, Cissie. I mean I went though agony with my last, our Ernest, through agony Cissie. You want to see my stretch marks, when I'm stripped off I look like fourteen stones of Danish blue. I carried him for eleven months you know. CISSIE: Well there is one thing to be said in favour of carrying over your time, you do tend to give birth more quickly. ADA: I didn't, I was in labour longer than Atlee. And I didn't have a normal birth when it finally came, you know. CISSIE: You didn't have a Caesarian did you? ADA: No but I was once very friendly with a Spaniard. Pedro. CISSIE: So it sounds like you had complications giving birth to your Ernest? ADA: I'll say. One of them was that they put me in the wrong ward when I got there, they put me in the ward where they treated disorders of the bowels. CISSIE: Well I assume you soon told them that you should be in the maternity ward. ADA: Yes but not before they'd given me an enema. CISSIE: So when did you go? ADA: About two minutes after they'd given it me, and I only just made it to the lavvy in time, thank God there wasn't a queue. CISSIE: I mean when did you go to the maternity ward? ADA: The following day. That was worse if anything. I can't begin to tell you what I went through in that maternity ward Cissie, terrible it was, I had more gas and air than a zeppelin, and the midwife was hopeless, I was in labour for thirty six hours before she realised I still had my tights on. 
CISSIE:Oh you poor dear. ADA: Then finally my water broke. One of the nurses said she hadn't seen anything like it since she saw 'The Dam Busters' at the pictures. CISSIE: Still it was all worth it wasn't it, because when it was finally all over you had a lovely baby boy to show for it. ADA: Ten pounds, four ounces and five stitches. I'm very small made you know. CISSIE: Me too, I had six with my youngest. Then I suppose Bert came to visit you? ADA: Yes. When he held the baby he said it had a cleft chin. CISSIE: Your Ernest hasn't got a cleft chin. ADA: I know, Bert had him upside down. CISSIE: The wastrel would be drunk I suppose, from wetting the baby's head. ADA: No, when he came he didn't even know I'd had a baby CISSIE: It would be quite a surprise for him then. ADA: Quite a surprise, he thought I'd only gone in hospital to have my appendicts out. |
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