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 A TRAVEL AGENCY. CISSIE AND ADA WALK IN. CISSIE NOTICES THAT THERE IS NOBODY AT THE COUNTER SO THEY SIT DOWN TO WAIT. CISSIE: There doesn't appear to be anyone here, Ada love. ADA: Perhaps they've gone on their holidays. CISSIE: Well while we're waiting it will give us the chance to decide where we want to go this year. ADA: Well anywhere as long as it isn't Greece, I didn't like that Rhodes place last year. CISSIE: I told you, you should have gone to Athens, you'd have liked it there, it's lovely, they have an acropolis there. ADA: They had one in Rhodes, I was never off it. CISSIE: Oh you're pig ignorant Ada, you really are, it's an old ruin! ADA: Well this one had a crack in it and a loose board. CISSIE: I quite fancy Italy, myself. ADA: Me too, a coach tour would be nice. CISSIE: How about the Dolomites? ADA: Well if they start to play me up I can always sit on a rubber ring. I quite fancy Blackpool too, to tell you the truth. CISSIE: Oh I find it so uncouth, Blackpool. ADA: Yes, nice isn't it. Me and Bert had our honeymoon there, you know. It's the place where I finally became a woman - that first night at the Seaview guest house. CISSIE: And when you went there, were you virgo intacta? ADA: No, just bed and breakfast. CISSIE: I mean that prior to your honeymoon you and Bert hadn't done it? ADA: Oh no. Can you keep a secret, Cissie? Bert didn't know how to do it. CISSIE: I must say I find that very hard to believe, knowing your Bert. ADA: May God strike me dead, Cissie. He hadn't got a clue. My mother told me to lie back and think of England. I'd time to think of England, Scotland, Ireland, Algeria..... CISSIE: Oh you poor dear. ADA: And I did everything in my power to tempt him, everything in my power Cissie. CISSIE: Did you wear a sexy night-gown? ADA: Yes, one I got it from Silky Billy's on the market, off the bargain rail. CISSIE: Was it see-through? 
ADA:Oh yes, you could see my vest and liberty bodice through it as plain as day. Anyway I went to the doctor to see if he could suggest anything and he told me to try taking Bert past the Tower a few times. CISSIE: Auto suggestion. ADA: No we drove past in a landau. And I walked him past it several times. CISSIE: And did he rise to the occasion, as it were? ADA: Well I'll put it this way, I think he must have been looking at the Central Pier instead. CISSIE: Well I don't know about us going to Blackpool for your holiday I would have thought you would want to steer well clear the place after an experience like that. ADA: That's why I want to go, I'm hoping he'll leave me alone again. CISSIE: And where does Bert want to go? ADA: Well he did once mention that he'd always wanted to return to the place where he spent the war. CISSIE: What, the glasshouse at Colchester? ADA: No, I mean before he stole that tank. Normandy. CISSIE: Now that's not such a bad idea, because my Leonard would like that. He saw action at Normandy, you know. That was where he almost got the V.C. ADA: Well that's the chance you take when you go with foreign women. The hussies! CISSIE: I think we'll settle for Normandy then. Now how shall we travel there, on the cross-channel ferry or shall we fly? ADA: Oh the ferry, because it cost us an extra thirty quid the only time me and Bert ever flew. CISSIE: Thirty pounds? Whyever was that? ADA: Well you know that little paper bag they give you? CISSIE: Yes. ADA: Well Bert asked the stewardess what it was for. And she told him it was to be sick in. CISSIE: So why did that cost you another thirty pounds? ADA: Well he had to drink three bottles of whisky before he felt sick. |
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