Dear TAP Air Portugal

11 LonglandsRd New Mills STOCKPORT Cheshire SK12 3BL 18th April 1994 TAP Air Portugal Gillingham House 38/44 Gillingham Street LONDON SW1 V1HU     Dear TAP Air Portugal     On a recent TAP Air Portugal flight to Madeira I overheard the following comment, made by a fat lady who was seated across the central aisle from me. She said, as near as I can remember, "You can bet your life that if I'm sat on the right-hand side of the aeroplane the Captain will say 'If passengers on the left-hand side of the aeroplane look through the window they will be able to see such-and-such a place. And if I'm sat on the left-hand side he will say 'If passengers sitting on the right-hand side look through the window they will be able to see such-an-such a place', Whatever the Captain announces I'm always on the wrong side of the aeroplane, I never get to see anything, and it really pisses me off." About a half an hour later the Captain announced over the PA system that passengers on the left-hand side of the aeroplane could now see the coastline of the Algarve. Whereupon the fat lady, who was sitting on the right-hand side, said: "Oh I've had enough of this shit!" sprang to her feet, and attempted to see the coastline of the Algarve through the left-hand window, adjacent to the row of seats in which I was seated. Almost immediately the aeroplane must have hit an air pocket or something, because it suddenly tilted sharply to the left, with the result that the fat lady lurched forward and fell on top of me. Fortunately no damage was done, except to the fat lady's pride - she was wearing a flimsy sun-top and one of her breasts fell out - but the fact remains that if the Captain had refrained from making it known that passengers on the left-hand side could see the coastline of the Algarve the incident would never have happened. It is my intention to write to the Airline Authorities with the object of getting them to ban announcements by flight crews about geographical features which can seen from the right-hand/left-hand side of aeroplanes, and in view of the incident reported above I would expect your blessing. Can I therefore have your permission to mention to the authorities that I have your support in this matter? Yours faithfully T Ravenscroft (Mr)