Dear Britannia Airways

11 Longlands Rd STOCKPORT Cheshire SK12 3BL 30th June 1994 Sue Smith Britannia Airways Ltd Britannia House London Luton Airport Beds LU2 9ND           Dear Sue Smith           Thankyou for your letter dated 22nd June, which I did not receive until the evening of 27th June, too late for me to keep the appointment. Brittania Airways are evidently more efficient than the Post Office! Thankyou for all your efforts to get me airborne but I am afraid that due to the incident described in full below I no longer wish to fly. On Saturday my friend Charles called to pick me up as usual for our weekly visit to the greyhound racing at nearby Manchester. I am sure you will realise that a person of my dimensions can't get into a car but Charles has a pick-up truck that I sit in the back of, covered by a tarpaulin so that people won't laugh at me. Soon after we set off Charles stopped to buy a packet of cigarettes, and whilst he was in the shop a thief stole the pick-up truck. I didn't know this at the time of course as I was under the tarpaulin, but I became suspicious when after we had been travelling for over an hour we still hadn't reached the greyhound stadium. I peeped out from under the tarpaulin to discover that we were on the M6 Motorway! Through the glass panel at the back of the cab of the pick-up I could see that the driver was not Charles but the thief. At that very moment the thief saw me through the rear view mirror, and was so surprised at the sight of a thirty one stone plus hulk emerging from under the tarpaulin that he lost control of the truck, causing it to swerve violently. This was observed by a roadside police car, which quickly gave chase, sounding its siren, and flashing its lights. However, far from pulling up the thief started to drive faster. The next twenty minutes were an absolute nightmare, for the truck left the motorway at the next exit and the police car pursued it at speeds of up to a hundred miles an hour, with yours truly hanging on for dear life. Worse was to follow, because on rounding a bend on two wheels we were faced with a tractor pulling aload of hay, which had suddenly appeared out of a side road, and the thief had to stand on the brakes. The truck stopped immediately but unfortunately I didn't, and the impetus threw me out of the back of the truck, whereupon I sailed through the air some sixty yards before fortunately landing on the tractor's load of hay. The incident left me severely traumatised, and on eventually getting back to Stockport I went to the Doctor and requested a sedative. While I was with the doctor he remarked that when I was catapulted through the air from the truck and sailed through the air that it must have been just like flying. Well if that is like flying you can keep it! Yours sincerely T Ravenscroft (Mr)