Dear United Airlines

11 LonglandsRd New Mills STOCKPORT Cheshire SK12 3BL 9th May 1994 Richard Corker United Airlines United House Building 451 Southern Perimeter Road Heathrow Airport Middlesex TW6 3LT     Dear Mr Corker     Thankyou for your letter dated 5th May. United Airlines are the fourth airline I have written to with regard to my travelling problems and the first to honour me with a reply, so yours is obviously a more caring airline than the others. You don't care quite enough to see your way to fly me to Hong Kong, but at least it's a start. The stumbling block in the way of my travelling with you would seem to be your concern, and rightly so, that I might inadvertently tamper with the aircraft doors. Perhaps I could offer a couple of suggestions, which might enable us to get round this problem? 1. Tie or chain me securely to my seat throughout the duration of the flight, so that it is quite impossible for me to walk around. (So that any passengers sitting nearby wouldn't worry unduly, you could tell them that I was an escaped drug-trafficker or something, who was being returned to Hong Kong for execution). 2. Allow me to travel in the hold as baggage. I could be put in a suitable container, say a crate, with the top securely screwed down, with holes drilled in it so that I could breathe. Then if one of the United Airlines staff could be on hand to unscrew the crate at the Hong Kong end - and screw me back in again for the return journey - then all would be hunky dory. Naturally I wouldn't expect to pay as much for being treated as baggage, but as you will be screwing me as well I would be more than happy to pay you what I would pay for a seat. Either of the above methods would suit me just fine, and I look forward to hearing from you as to which method best suits you lovely people at United Airlines. Yours sincerely T Ravenscroft (Mr)