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English Provender Company
PO Box 5
Henley-on-Thames
Oxfordshire
R99 3PM
Dear English Provender
My youngest son Oscar is extremely hyperactive, and short of tying him up the only
way to stop him running riot is by strictly controlling
his diet. However this is only partially successful, and I am constantly on the
lookout for additional means of slowing the little tyke down, short of amputation.
It was with great expectations then that I tried him on your Provender Very Lazy Garlic.
What a disappointment! Your product didn't make him any lazier at all, let alone
very lazy. In fact after I'd made him eat six slices of toast spread thickly with it,
not only did it make him even more lively than usual but he proceeded to scream the house down,
and it
couldn't have been the toast that was to blame because I'd made sure the bread
I used was gluten-free.
I think I deserve an explanation of why
your product is clearly failing to do what you claim that it does.
Yours faithfully 
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