Football Crazy
| Stanley Sutton, president of the Frogley Town
Supporters Club, employed man and boy for the past fifty years as the operator
of the Bone Pulveriser at Price's Pie Factory, is overjoyed when his boss
multi-millionaire Joe Price buys out his beloved club, a team which has plied its
trade in the nether reaches of the football league for more years than Stanley
cares to remember. Stanley's joy reaches orgasmic proportions when Price then
informs him that it is his intention to take the club all the way to the
Premiership. The coming of Joe Price to Frogley Town is also good news for many
more people connected with the club, not least the club's manager Big Donny
Donnelly, a man who worships at the temple of Ron Atkinson, and who figures that
the new found wealth coming into the club will allow him the thing he most
craves in life, even more than winning the league, the thing that every other
manager has and he hasn't, namely a Number Two. Local radio presenter and DJ
Dave Rave
also welcomes the news, as do the keenest fans of his commentary of the Town's
matches, the inmates of the local lunatic asylum. One man who doesn't relish
the coming of Joe Price, and with it the prospect of more cash being pumped
into the club, which might bring more success on the field and inevitably lead
to larger and even more unruly crowds, is the new Frogley Chief of Police,
Superintendent Herman Screwer. Having previously been stationed at Leeds
Screwer knows all about the bad behaviour of some football fans and it is his
sworn duty to rid Frogley Town of any traces of hooliganism. That there isn't
any hooliganism to get rid of, the nearest thing to unseemly behaviour at a
Frogley Town match over the last ten years being when a fan shouted at the ref
to get a pair of specs, before later apologising to him, doesn't deter Screwer
from fulfilling his quest in the slightest. So Joe Price, Stanley Sutton, Big
Donny Donnelly, Dave Rave, the inmates of the lunatic asylum and the town Of
Frogley as a whole all want the club to succeed, Superintendent Screwer wants
it to fail. Something has to give. And it does, in spectacular fashion.
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