GONE WITH THE WIND

THE SHOOTING OF THE FILM ‘GONE WITH THE WIND’ IS IN PROGRESS. THE ACTORS TAKING THE PARTS OF RHETT BUTLER AND SCARLETT O’HARA ARE ACTING OUT THE SCENE WHERE RHETT LEAVES SCARLETT FOR GOOD. THE WRITER OF SCREENPLAY THE IS LOOKING ON.

SCARLETT:

But what is to happen to me, Rhett?

RHETT:

Frankly my dear, I don’t give a………….(HE TURNS TO THE WRITER) Look do I have to say this line?

WRITER:

Why, what’s wrong with the line?

RHETT:

I don’t know. It just doesn’t sound right.

WRITER:

It doesn’t sound right? ‘Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn’ doesn’t sound right? Look, I’m a writer, I know a good line when I write one, and ‘Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn’ is not just a good line, it is a great line, so just say it will you!

RHETT:

Why can’t I just say ‘Goodbye’?

WRITER:

’Goodbye’? What sort of line is that?

RHETT:

Well it’s more snappy.

WRITER:

Snappy? You are walking out of Scarlett O’Hara’s life forever. The situation doesn’t call for a snappy line. It calls for a considered line. An emotive line. Like the line I wrote. So just say it.

RHETT:

I think I’ll just try ‘Goodbye’, see how it feels.

WRITER:

‘Goodbye’ doesn’t make sense! Scarlett says ‘But what is to happen to me Rhett?’ and you say ‘Goodbye’, that just doesn’t make sense!

SCARLETT:

Perhaps if I were to say ‘So this is goodbye Rhett, is………..

WRITER;

You keep the hell out of this!

SCARLETT:

I was only suggesting…..

WRITER:

Well don’t. I’ve had enough of your suggestions. You were the one who suggested we should change the name of your house from Tara to Dunslavin’!

SCARLETT:

Well some of the people here have done slavin’, so……

WRITER:

Shut it! (TO RHETT) Say the line.

RHETT:

I don’t like the line.

WRITER:

You don’t like it? Listen you arsehole, ‘Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn’ is the best exit line I ever wrote. It is the best exit line that anybody ever wrote. I sweated blood over that line. Charles Laughton and Douglas Fairbanks would give their eye teeth for a line like that. That line will go down in the annals of motion picture history. It is a great line!

RHETT:

Perhaps…..perhaps if I were to say ‘Frankly my pig I don’t give a damn’?

WRITER:

Frankly my pig?

RHETT:

You know, another kind of animal. Instead of a deer.

WRITER:

Some other kind of animal? Instead of a deer? I don’t believe I’m hearing this.

RHETT:

I’ll play around with it a little. (TO HIMSELF) Frankly my rhinoceros I don’t give a damn….Frankly my armadillo I don’t give a damn….Frankly my reticulated python I don’t give a damn….

IN THE MEANTIME THE FILM DIRECTOR HAS JOINED THEM.

DIRECTOR:

You know I think he might have something there.

WRITER:

You? You think he might have something there? The guy who wanted to flood Atlanta with a two hundred feet high tidal wave?

DIRECTOR:

As the director of this movie I still think a tidal wave would have been more spectacular than a fire.

WRITER:

Atlanta is over two hundred miles from the sea, you twat!

DIRECTOR:

Well if you’re going to split hairs.

RHETT:

Frankly my stegosaurus I don’t give…..no, not keen on that. Anyway it’s extinct.

WRITER:

You’ll be extinct too if you don’t say ‘Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn’ you dumb bastard!

RHETT:

How would it be if I said ‘Frankly my dear I don’t give a grand coolie’?

WRITER:

A grand coolie? What the fuck is a grand coolie?

RHETT:

It’s a dam. The grand coolie dam. I’d settle for that.

WRITER:

Well I won’t! Say ‘Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn!’

RHETT:

Oh, anything for a quiet life. Ready Scarlett?

SCARLETT:

Ready.

DIRECTOR:

Action!

SCARLETT;

But what is to happen to me Rhett?

RHETT:

Frankly………..(STOPS. THEN IS SUDDENLY INSPIRED) Play it again Sam. (TO THE WRITER) Now that is a great line.