SCREEN 1
DEEP
BASIC
Starring
Bruce Willis and Sharon Stone
From the makers of Basic
Impact and Impact Deep, yet another film with a two word title which is
completely meaningless! Thrill as the hero attempts to unravel the plot, but
who cares anyway just as long as he blows things up and wastes a lot of people
and Sharon gets shagged a few times. |
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| SCREEN
2 |
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| COMATOSE
IN COLARADO |
| |
| Starring |
| Tom
Hanks and Meg Ryan |
| |
| If you dropped off to
sleep after watching ten minutes of Sleepless in Seattle, this will have you
snoring your head off even quicker. Features cute twins instead of just a cute
kid so you will be doubly nauseated! A large selection of popcorn, ices, sweets
and other things to rot your teeth are on sale in the foyer. (Just in case all
the sugar in the film doesn't) |
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| SCREEN
3 |
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| MOVIE
FEATURING ACTORS WITH ANIMALS' HEADS AND LOTS OF DWARFS DRESSED UP AS DIFFERENT
THINGS |
| |
| Starring |
| Starring
Harrison Ford and Sir Alec Guinness |
| |
| If you liked all the
Star Wars films you are sure to like Movie Featuring Actors With Animals Heads
And Lots Of Dwarfs Dressed Up As Different Things. |
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|
| SCREEN
4 |
| |
Sir Sean
Connery
in |
| |
| A Sir
Richard Branson film |
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| KNIGHTS
OF TONY BLAIR |
| |
| An ageing Scottish
Nationalist hams it up something shamelessly, fighting for what he claims is
his birthright, and eventually triumphs, after first greasing the Labour
Party. |
|
|
| SCREEN
5 |
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| FOUR
3 |
| |
| The sequel to end all
sequels! Why? Because it is a sequel made up of seventeen other sequels,
ranging from Halloween 5 to Police Academy 4 to Airport 3 to Nightmare on Elm
Street 47. |
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| Starring |
| Loads Of Actors Who Can't Get Parts A Part In Proper
Films. |
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| SCREEN
6 |
| |
| THE
STORY OF DEMI MOORE |
| |
| Starring |
| Julia
Roberts as Demi Moore |
| |
| Not risking another
flop by getting Demi Moore herself to play the part of Demi Moore, the
producers of The Story Of Demi Moore wisely engaged Julia Roberts for the role.
Also starring, for the same reasons, Robert de Niro as Michael Douglas.
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|
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| SCREEN
7 |
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| JOURNEY
TO CENTRE OF THE SUNBED |
| |
| Starring |
| George
Hamilton |
| |
| Following his great
success in The Brown Narcissus, George spends eighteen hours a day on a sunbed
in order to achieve his ambition of being bright enough to be able to hire
himself out as temporary floodlighting. Succeeds brilliantly! |
|
|
| SCREEN
8 |
| |
| A
Michael Winner Production Of |
| |
| BRIEF
ENCOUNTER |
| |
| Starring |
| Charles
Bronson |
| |
| Take two handkerchiefs
to this weepie for you will surely need them. Especially in the scene where the
anguished heroine stands on a railway platform watching the departure of her
lover, while wiping a bullet from her eye . |
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| SCREEN
9 |
| |
| RAMBO
MEETS ROCKY |
| (Sub-titles) |
| |
| Starring |
| Sylvester Stallone and Sylvester Stallone |
| |
| Rambo and Rocky combine
their not inconsiderable forces in a universe shattering assault on the English
Language. There can be only one winner here, and it certainly isn't going to be
the English Language! |
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|
| SCREEN
10 |
| |
| LESLIE
NIELSON |
| In |
| |
A SUCKER
BROTHERS PRODUCTION
|
| NAKED
OLD GAGS |
| |
| Laugh yourself silly as
your favourite funny man recycles all the recycled gags from his previous
films. Worth the admittance money alone for the hilarious farting inflatable
Hilary Clinton gag! |
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