EasyJet     Outcome of successful operation on prostate gland.

Effing Forest      Epping Forest when one is walking through it and bangs one's head on an overhanging branch.

Egon Ronay     Restaurant critic.

Egon Toast      Transport Café critic.

Eiffel Tower    A 985 ft wrought iron tower completed in 1889 to commemorate the centenary of the French Revolution. It was designed by Alexandre Gustave Eiffel, a French construction engineer, who also designed iron bridges. In fact the Eiffel Tower itself was intended to be a bridge, but the contract for the building work was won by a firm of Irishmen who had the plans sideways.

Eisteddfod      Welsh festival devoted to competition in oratory skills, singing, and playing the harp. It was the idea of an Englishman, who reasoned that if they were singing, harp-playing, etc in Wales they wouldn't be doing it in England .

Elecroencephoolovoltdromograph      A word which actually doesn't mean anything, but looks really impressive in an encyclopaedia.

Electron      A campaign to get Ron Higginbottom elected onto the Derbyshire County Council.

Electronics      Supporters of the above campaign.

Elephant Grass      Large powerful land mammal that shops other elephants to the police.

Elgin Marbles      A game played by schoolboys in Elgin, Scotland. It is virtually the same as Pocket Billiards, the game which is played in the pockets of the school trousers of all boys, except that Elgin Marbles is only played during Greek lessons and the winner is the first boy to ejaculate and shout 'Eureka!'

Elton John     Public convenience in the village of Elton, Cambridgeshire.

Elvis Presley     (1935-1977) American rock and roll singer, Known as 'Elvis the Pelvis'. His twin brother, Enis, was stillborn, perhaps fortunately.

Embarrassing Hair      Hair which shouts "Hoy, Fatty!" to passers by and generally behaves in an uncouth and uncivilised manner.