Jacuzzi    A method of home hydrotherapy consisting of introducing jets of massaging air through holes in the sides of a bath. Invented by Roy Jacuzzi, who is thought to have got the idea one day when he farted in the bath.

Jack Straw     One time Foreign Secretary, Home Secretary, later Leader of the House, in the Blair Government. Aptly named Straw as he spends most of his time clutching at them.

James Cook     (1728-79). English navigator. He made voyages of discovery to New Zealand and Australia in the ships Endeavour, Resolution and Adventure. A fourth ship, Don't Care Much One Way Or The Other, set sail from Portsmouth at the same time but after the crew put to at Southsea half-an-hour later for a spot of lunch they decided that they couldn't be bothered going any farther and returned home.

James Hargreaves    (1720-78), English inventor of the Spinning Jenny. A man with unusual sexual tastes, he was the husband of the former Jenny Bramwell.

Japanese Drama.   
"You late tonight."
"Had to work late at office."
"Ah so."
"Who you calling arseole, had to work late I tell you!"
(With apologies to the late Benny Hill)

Jehovah (Yehovah )     The Old Testament name of God. Hebrew texts of the name were represented by the letters Y H V H (Yehovah without the vowels 'e, o and a'), as they regarded the word as much too sacred to be pronounced, th sd bstrds.

Jehovah's Witnesses    A religious body whose teaching centres on the early establishment of God's new world on earth, preceded by the second coming of Jesus Christ, and the hundred and second coming of Jehovas Witnesses who knock on your door, usually when you're in the bath.

Jew's Harp    "Look, if you aren't buying the goods don't handle them, all right?"

Joan of Arc    (1412-31) French patriot of peasant parentage. Her death led to a mammoth increase in the number of people taking out fire insurance policies.

Job Centre    Public lavatory.

Job Evaluation    "Well, considering he was afflicted through Satan with the loss of his family and all his possessions, Job was a pretty well-adjusted person I would say. But what do you think, Ron?"

Johann Strauss    (1825-99) Viennese musician and composer. Unsuccessful at first, but gained fame after he changed the name of his waltz "The Grey With Mucky Foam Floating On The Top Of It Danube " to the prettier sounding, if less truthful, "The Blue Danube".