Labyrinth     A combination of roads and passages so constructed as to render it difficult for anyone to trace their way in or out it. There are many in England, of which Birmingham city centre is a typical example.

Lad     Formerly the name used to describe a young fellow, but in the 90s became the term used to describe certain men in their twenties and early thirties. 'Lads' drink a lot of lager, go to football matches, behave in a loud and lewd manner, and make ample use of their orifices to emit belches, farts and to sniff up snot and cocaine.

Ladette    The female version of a lad, who behaves in exactly the same way, but possesses an extra orifice with which to do something else gross.

Lady Godiva     (1040-80) Pioneer psychiatrist who, in the first recorded instance of the use of shock therapy, rode naked as a jaybird through the crowded streets of Coventry, in an effort to shake people out of talking with a Brummie accent. Failed miserably.

Lakeland Poets, The    William Wordsworth (1770-1850), (Pictured) Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772-1834), Robert Southey (1774-1843), and Charles Shortcombe (1772-1820). Of these four great poets, the least productive was Shortcombe, who in fact only wrote one poem, the succinct The Lake District . On completing it he said it conveyed all there was to be said about the Lake District, and promptly retired. The poem is reproduced in full, below.
Over there is a mountain
                           Over there is a lake
                           Here comes the rain again.
                           Fucking hell!

Lake Superior     The largest of five Great Lakes, and the only one to have retained its original name. The other lakes, with their original names, are Michigan (Lake Big), Huron (Lake Not As Big), Erie (Lake Quite Small, Really), and Ontario (Lake Is This Supposed To Be A Lake, It Looks More Like Somebody Has Had A Piss Here).

Lake Titicaca     Previously two smaller lakes which have now joined together. The lakes were called the Tita and the Icac, which is perhaps fortunate, because if they had been called the Titi and the Caca it might have given rise to vulgar entries in encyclopaedias.

Lap Dancer     A scantily-clad female dancer who dances very close (often on the table top) to a man, who pays her for the privilege.

Lapp Dancer     An Eskimo female dancer who dances in exactly the same way as a Lap Dancer but with about four fur coats on. This is probably why Eskimo men always look so miserable.

Larboard     The old nautical term indicating the left-hand side of a ship. It was changed by the Admiralty to 'Port' in 1844, because people complained that they felt silly going into a pub and asking for a larboard and lemon.

Lassie Piss Off    Fourth sequel to the motion picture Lassie Come Home in which Lassie overtaxes the patience of her owner by running away once too often.

Las Toflasherertitsisacissie     Leading discoteque in Ibiza. (Recommended).