Venus de Milo The famous
sculpture of
a classic Greek beauty. She is considered
by many men to have been the perfect woman,
but not by
those who like a hand job now
and again.
Vertically Challenged
Euphemism for short. This is something of a
misnomer as the word
'challenge' implies that something can be
done about it. What a short person
can do about their lack of inches other
than stand on a bucket is hard to
fathom.
Vertigo Fear of heights.
A malady not likely to be experienced by
the Vertically Challenged unless
they stand on a particularly large bucket.
Viagra Drug that aids male
impotence and increases sexual performance. From the Ancient Greek via, goes, and
G.R.A. (Greyhound Racing Association); hence Goes Like A Greyhound.
Vibraphone A vibrator which
rings you up when you're done.
Very Thick Fat Americans Moaning.
Planned new U.S. TV Victim show along the
same lines as Oprah, The Ricki
Lake Show and The Montel Williams Show,
but more honestly titled.
Victoria and Albert Museum A
couple from Cleethorpes,
Lincs, Mr and Mrs Museum are interested in the
cinema, brass rubbing, formation dancing,
and crown green wife swapping.
Vincent Van Cough
(1830-1872) Dutch painter. His real name was
Van Deerden but he
was known as Van Cough for his chronic
habitual cough, which caused him
to splatter all his canvasses with sputum,
thus giving all his paintings a
pebble-dashed effect. The first and only exponent of the
Phlegmish School of
painting.
Vinnie Jones Former
footballer, who left the profession to
become an actor, as opposed to most
footballers, who manage to combine acting
and football at one and the same time.
As a footballer Jones gained infamy when,
in the act of close-marking Paul
(Gazza) Gascoigne, he reached behind
himself and squeezed Gascoigne's
genitals, thus rendering his brain inactive.
Viola A member of the Violin family.
Other members of the family are Alf
Violin, Edith Violin, Darren Violin
and Tracey Violin.
Visible Pantie Line New
London Underground line connecting the
Northern Line at Bank with the Circle
Line at Tower Hill. It will be for the exclusive
use of shapely young women in
tight skirts or trousers, and men who want
to ogle their bottoms.
Volleyball A handball game played
by people who are useless at
all other games.
Volvo Swedish Motor Car company. Swedens highest earner, ahead of
ABBA in second place and Stig's Hot Dog Stand, Gothenburg, in third place.
Vulcanised The state of
having just had sex with Mr Spock.
