Have you been in a
supermarket lately? Everybody's reading. There they are in the aisles. (MIMES
READING) It's more like a public library than a supermarket, they'd only have
to put 'Romance A to K' over the aisles instead of 'Cereals, Biscuits and
Canned Fruit' and you wouldn't know the difference. The last time I went there
were about three hundred shoppers, two hundred and ninety nine of them reading
and one shopping, and the only reason one was shopping was because she was
dyslexic. She'd just been to the bakery and bought a small brown foal and was
on her way to electrical goods for a sixty twat bulb.
And there they all were in the
aisles-
"Have you
read this one? Kellogg's Cornflakes?
What is it, a
mystery?"
"Well
it's a mystery why anybody buys it, have you seen all the crap they put in it?"
Another couple a
bit farther along.
"How much protein is in it? Check the protein. Per hundred grams
"
"Er...Fourteen
point three. "
"Fibre? "
"Eleven point four"
"Carbohydrate? "
"Sixty eight point five grams. "
"Of which sugars?
"
"What?"
"Of which sugars. It's no use you knowing your carbohydrate if you
don't know your of which sugars.
"No.Twenty nine point two"
"Put it back, far
too much. "
"It'll
be all right for a green day. "
"Put it back on that shelf and be told!
Anyway we're not doing green day/red day anymore. "
" I'm not going on that Atkins diet.!
Jenny at work is on that and her breath.....! Smells like an Arab's armpit. I'm
not having my breath smelling like an Arab's. armpit not for
anybody."
"We're
not going on the Atkins, who said anything about going on the Atkins? "
"Very wise too."
This is from a bloke across the aisle reading a tin of weightwatchers steak and
kidney pudding. "I went on that. It said you could eat as much meat as you
want. I thought 'No, that can't be right. There must be a limit.' I said ' A
cow is meat, you can't tell me if you eat a whole cow you won't put on weight.'
But no, apparently it was right, apparently you can eat as much meat as
you like. So I ate a whole cow. "
"A whole cow?"
"A whole cow."
"And what happened?
"
"I put on
fourteen stones. Fourteen stones in a day. "
"I think we should stick to green day/red
day."
"No, we're
going on a high fibre diet."
"What's that? "
" It's a brown day, followed by another brown day, followed by
another brown day, so I believe - but it is very healthy. "
"It's not that one
that makes you trump a lot is it? I'm not going on a diet that makes me trump.
"
"You don't trump
on Atkins."
I
shouldn't think you've time if you're eating a cow.
"You want to go on that G.I. diet if you don't want to trump, that's
a good diet if you don't want to trump."
G.I. diet? I'd never heard of that one,
but I thought it might be interesting because I remember my nana once saying
that during the war the woman next door lived on a diet of G.Is. Cannibalism
maybe. African Atkins.
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