I get them all the
time now, them people who come up to you ..... (LOOKS IN DELIGHTED SURPRISE)
"It's you isn't it? From off the telly. It's him, Muriel, off the telly, off
that, what is it?......... that Vulture thing..... Vulture
Days."
"Phoenix
Nights."
"That's
it. You look just like you do on the telly."
Well who did you expect I'd look like you
silly cow, the Duke of Edinburgh? Beyonce?
That's really funny that Phoenix thing,
you in that wheelchair, you'd never guess you weren't a cripple. You aren't a
cripple are you? No, because you'd be in a wheelchair and you're not, are you.
"
"I've had a
miracle - this Jewish bloke in a dress and long hair."
"My husband's your biggest fan, my Dwayne.
You met him once after one of your shows. Tall bloke, glasses, bad breath, you
must remember him. He's got a photo of you pinned up in the lavatory. You're
looking right at me when I'm having a poo."
"Nice."
"And you play two parts, don't you, in
that Vulture thing. The owner and one of them two on the door. That's
dead clever, that. How
do you do it? I suppose you keep having to get changed? You must be knackered
by the end, you changed seventeen times in one episode. And sometimes you're in
the same scene, and you're, like, talking to yourself. That's dead clever that.
I mean I talk to myself sometimes but that's the HRT, but
you....."
"He has a
double." This is her mate, Muriel. "Don't you? When you're in the same scene.
Have a double?"
"Thanks, I'll have a scotch."
"Have a scotch! You're a scream, isn't he
a scream Muriel."
"You're a scream, Peter."
"Hey, can I have you
autograph?"
"Why
not."
" Brenda, it
is. I haven't got a pen."
"No problem." (TAKES OUT PEN)
"I've nothing to write it on I'm
afraid."
"I'll sign
you a photo." (TAKES OUT A PHOTO) "What message shall I
put?"
"You pick
one."
(WRITING ON
PHOTO) "Fuck...off...Brenda."
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